then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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