Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
