so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
