you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
