what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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