C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Sorry my hands just texted you
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
