I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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