I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
don't judge my taste in strippers
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
