Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
my shit smells like andre
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
