You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
