This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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