Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
