? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
