I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
organizing the empties. That sober.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
