I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
