I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
