I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
