I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I wear drunk well.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
