well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
