DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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