Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
