Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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