im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
