I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
