Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
