I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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