Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
