I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i drank out of a bidet.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
