tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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