I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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