Me too!
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
