We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
