She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
