so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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