I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
