I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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