For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
