I'm going to jail i love you
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
