It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
