Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
