Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
