stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
