she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
