did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
