god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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