Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
