I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Is Oprah even human
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
