I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
