does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
How external is "for external use only"?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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