Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
