we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
