Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
